Thursday, January 12, 2006

Mmmm Grace

When i started this blog, back in the crazy sunshine days of June, Bish described it to me as a place where thoughts could be processed and such like, and he deffo had a point (y'know, for a change).

By my legalist standards i've had a 'bad' couple of days. I don't want to go into the ins and outs of things, but they haven't been pretty, i think, for example, i referred to at least one person as 'scum' while watching the news today. Hardly gracious speech seasoned with salt around outsiders eh? I've had a bit of a heart malaise in the last thirty hours, and its not been good. Also, i have done no work today, and only got dressed about three o clock. So a 'bad' time recently then?

But this is what i'm learning about grace. To say that because of grace the 'bad' days are inconsequential is wrong, if anything else because it brings out pride in the 'good' days. No, grace means we are perfect forever, grace means we are hidden in Christ Jesus, grace means we have access to the Father through the Son. Grace means there are just days...days where Jesus loves you. Day's where Jesus died for you. Day's where your name is carved onto His hands. Days where we must focus our attention on the cross of Jesus Christ.

Why do i quantify times like these as 'bad'? Because i'm too proud, too me centred, too legalistic. Because, to an extent, i don't practice what i preach i guess. Not because Christ thinks any less of me.

When i look back on my year on RUCU committee through the rapidly enveloping twilight, i have some regrets. I wish i'd grown more, embraced more, changed more, had more faith, fought a better fight. But i know that because of the grace of God, there is nothing i can do, more or less, than look at the cross, ask for mercy, and push on.

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